Zeus' Hideaway
by Simply Christian
Summary: It was a law of nature by now. Zeus would bed a woman. Hera would find out about it. Hapless mortal would be punished. Hera would then get ready to direct her wrath to her husband, only to find that he is nowhere to be found.


Please pardon the creative liberties taken with the personalities of the gods and goddesses of Greek mythology.

* * *

Hades suppressed a groan as he felt the familiar presence of his youngest brother enter the realm of the dead.

"Zeus is here," Persephone commented unnecessarily, "Again."

"I know," Hades replied dryly.

"_Must_ you let him hide here again?"

"He is my brother and our king; I have little choice in the matter."

It was well-known to all mortals that Zeus spent his time in two ways: ruling over the gods and the heavens, or sleeping with women. What the mortals did _not_ know was that there was a third place Zeus could be found, as a result of the second situation mentioned above.

It was a law of nature by now. Zeus would bed with a woman. Hera would find out about it. Hera would take vengeance on the hapless mortal. Hera would then attempt vengeance on her husband, only to find that he had disappeared. Mortals believed that the reason Zeus was never harmed by Hera's wrath was because he, as king of the gods, was too strong for her. That was certainly not the case. Mortals kept forgetting that Hera was Zeus' elder sister, one who had fought alongside her siblings against the Titans. She was more than capable of inducing great harm onto her husband if riled.

The Olympians and other immortals knew this, of course, but the location of Zeus' hideaway was still a mystery to them. However, it was common knowledge to the dead in the underworld.

Whenever Zeus needed to escape the wrath of a jealous Hera, the king of the gods would scurry to his eldest brother's realm. After all, a subterranean kingdom would be the last place one would look for the lord of the heavens.

"You would think he would learn," was Persephone's only response.

"Quiet," he admonished, "He's almost here."

Indeed, a moment later, the figure of Zeus appeared before them.

"So, who was it this time?" Hades inquired rhetorically.

"What do you mean?" Zeus asked, "Can't one visit his brother without having an ulterior motive?"

"Considering that the only time you visit me is to escape Hera's rage," Hades remarked, "No."

Zeus sighed.

"Fine. But you can't blame me-"

"Yes we can," Persephone sniped.

A glare from Zeus silenced her from further comments, and he continued, "She was an absolutely exquisite woman! No man could have resisted such radiance! With such beauty, she must have divine blood in her!"

"You say that about all the women you bed," Hades pointed out, "Just give me her name so that we can give her a proper welcome when Hera is finished with her."

"Hera wouldn't kill her!"

"Of course not. She's not that kind to adulteresses, even the ones who may not be willing to your advances."

"Now don't go blaming me for this! If you're going to talk like this to me, I'll just leave right now!"

"And have Hera find you?" Hades asked, sounding _almost_ amused, "Go ahead, I'll watch. I might even let the more trustworthy mortals out of here long enough to see the great Zeus cower before his wife."

Zeus growled but did not say anything else.

"So, the name of the woman?" Persephone asked.

"Alcmene," Zeus finally replied.

"Electryon's daughter?" Persephone asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Who?"

"Electryon, son of Perseus," she clarified, and then asked in a slightly incredulous tone, "You didn't know that you were sleeping with your great-grandaughter?"

"What, you expect me to keep track of all the children I have sired over the years?"

"I suppose it is a bit much to expect you to count that high," she replied in a pseudo-saccharine tone, "I forget that you have such a hard time with mathematics."

"Is that any way to speak about your father?" Zeus said.

"I notice that it's only during times like this that you bring up that little fact."

"Persephone, stop trying to agitate him," Hades interjected, resisting the urge to cradle his head in his hand to assuage the migraine he could feel coming on, "Zeus, calm down; you know where your usual room is."

The two antagonists reluctantly broke off their verbal match.

"I'll just tell Tiresias that he won the betting pool again," Persephone commented.

"The what now?" Zeus asked in confusion.

"You see, mortals quickly get bored when they don't have death hanging over their heads anymore," the queen of the underworld explained, "So they think of increasingly creative ways to entertain themselves. One of those ways is trying to predict your next escapade, _father_."

She put an extra insulting emphasis on that last word. Zeus would have retorted to that tone, but was far more interested in the betting pool at the moment.

"Wasn't Tiresias a seer?" he asked.

"I'm surprised you remember him, and yes, he is," Persephone replied, "He makes bets with people who don't know him so he can win every time."

"What do they even bet with? I thought the only money that was down here was the travel fare given to Charon?" Zeus asked.

"Bragging rights, most of the time," Persephone answered, "They keep score on how many times they guessed it right. Or in Tiresias' case, a good laugh to fooling another crowd."

"Those mortals have far too much free time."

"I believe I already said that. However, that's funny coming from you, who sleeps with women when not hiding from his wife."

"I am not hiding!"

"You are coming here with the purpose of concealing your presence from Hera," Hades pointed out bluntly, "You're hiding."

"Oh, shut up," Kronos' youngest son growled, "I'm going to my room. Thank you for your hospitality."

Hades merely nodded his head in acknowledgment at the spoken gratitude.

After Zeus had left, Persephone turned to her husband.

"Hades, I still don't forgive you for kidnapping me all those years ago," she said, "But I am eternally grateful for the fact that I am your only lover."

The king of the underworld let a rare smile lift his lips slightly.

"You're welcome."

"Except for Menthe."

Hades' smile disappeared.

"I have already apologized profusely for it," he grumbled.

"That still doesn't change the fact that you've done exactly what Zeus has done."

"It was just that one time! I haven't done it since!"

The mortals within hearing range of the deities' argument started a bet on how long this bout would last. Everyone was surprised when Cassandra won again.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I think it's safe to say that the Greek mythology has one of the most (if not _the_ most) messed up families in history.

And yes, there was one story of how Hades had an affair with a woman named Menthe. Persephone found out about it, and in revenge, turned her into a plant. It is from this woman that we get the name mint.


End file.
